Tuesday, November 24, 2009

No one falls in love by choice.
It’s by chance.
No one stays in love by chance.
It’s by work.
And no one falls out of love by chance.
It’s by choice.

I hope choice would never play a part in my life...

Monday, November 23, 2009

4th Month...

Time is a miraculous thing, sometimes you feel that it is fast, sometimes you feel that it is slow. This 4 months might seemed to pass in a flash or it might feel that it took forever. However, definitely the calendar cannot be wrong and we already lived 4 months together as a couple! I'm sure we both know that things were not easy for us at the start and even after we passed that stage, we still had many ups and downs. I'm just glad to say that we managed to pull through all of them together! =)

Perhaps there are many things I've done that are really hard to salvage at this point of time but I really hope that things will eventually work out when the time comes. For now things are really wonderful and I wish that it stays this way. I will grow up and get over things that I should not even be worried about in the first place. Really sorry for the mess that I made due to my paranoia.

Today was a wonderful day! Perhaps the happiest one in the recent days. I really see nothing but smiles throughout the time we were together and for once, I really wish that time could just stop and we would still be sitting at Cathay basement chatting and crapping. Or perhaps when we sat beside each other in the cinema. Or even maybe during the time when you were smiling till your cheeks sore cause you beat me 3-2 in pool. Your smile was really nice and it warms my heart just to see you smile like this. I really had fun today through the movies, lunch, pool and snacking times, I hope you did too! And I really hope that you like your presents and though the surprise wasn't really a surprise since you already figured out, glad your were happy to receive it. Once again, Happy 4th Month dear Amanda! I love you a lot a lot a lot my silly Amanda! =)


Nothing that will come between us.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Something that I can't really understand...

Why do couples argue and quarrel even though they themselves know that they love each other so so much?

Is it a way of communication? A way to settle issues or differences? A way to reach a common agreement?

Or is it simply another way of telling each other, "I love you but I don't want this to come between us so let's trash this out and get over it"?

I really do hope it is the latter one as arguments should never mark the failure of a relationship. What it really should do, is after things are trashed out and problems solved, it would bring the relationship further, deeper. It lets both parties grow and let the relationship mature, so that it would be stronger.

"What won't kill you would only make you stronger."

I guess this applies to relationships as well! I know the past few days had been really rough and bad but hey, don't give up hope! Things are gonna get better after we get over this problem, just believe in me! =) Believe that I can do it, cause I believe I can do it too! I will stop harboring stupid thoughts and looking down on myself. My confidence will find its way back to me! Maybe when it does then I'll be able to see things in a different light, accept them and from there on... The problem shall cease to exist. So we can go back to enjoy spending time together. =)

Like you said, we will be able to get through all these! =) I know we will!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Today I watched Paranormal Activity, I think it's kinda brilliant in the way that all the scary scenes targets human senses and some part were kinda disturbing that it actually made my hair stand. Humans always have fear for things, uncertainties and unknowns. I would say fear does have huge impacts on people and that it certainly does affect me greatly.

From making me really alert and sensitive to making me so paranoid. I would react to every little rustle and sound that comes when I'm alone, that's how bad it is. And I'm not afraid to admit I do have problems with the dark. However to me the greatest fear in my life is not of what is out there, it is something that is inside.

The thing I fear most is that I would be my own fall. Meaning that I'm afraid of losing people close to me, losing you, due to my own paranoia and lack of confidence. However I know the more I fear, the higher the chances of it happening as I become overly protective and sensitive. This fear would just eat me and the things that are extremely important to me up.

I will not fear losing you anymore as I will always remember what you promised me. No matter what happens. I trust that promise, I trust you. I will try to keep my paranoia and over sensitivity down and really stop letting my thoughts run wild. I know I won't lose you, and I really do trust you with everything I have. Sorry if I might seem paranoid and distrusting at times, I really am sorry and I'll try to control it k. I love you so much. =D Nothing will come between us, much less a mere unsupported fear.

"Do not let your thoughts get to you." I'll remember it. =)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Life's all about balancing isn't it?

I'm finding difficulty doing it, it is really not easy. I know life is all about balancing, but how many can actually achieve it? Too much of this isn't good and too little of that isn't pleasant either. 1 year has 365 days, 12 months, 84 weeks. Everyday with only 24hours, 1440minutes, 86400seconds. How am I supposed to divide them among all my different commitments?

But I guess I still have to try even though it is hard to achieve. It isn't fair for those that care and I'm not giving them the attention and time they deserve. I wanna stop going through the pain of losing friends and yea you might be right, if I put myself in their shoes, they might be going through the pain of losing me.

Perhaps, like you said, I should give it try? Perhaps when I succeed then things might not always be like how it is now, I might be more open and more accepting and won't freak out about every single little thing? Perhaps it's healthier for the relationship? If it is, I will give it my best shot, really, I will go all out and try. Let's hope we succeed, and most importantly things would not change much, only for the better. =)

You'll still matter as much, or maybe even more, but I will, I will try my best... =)




Tried to balance and afraid of falling...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Gosh, being sick really sucks. Sucks to the max! Headaches, fever, body aches, coughing, running nose, blocked nose, nose bleeding! Omg, sucks sucks sucks to the max! The worse is waking up to find that your nose is bleeding and you have your face covered in blood and running to the toilet to wash up, carefully trying not to let the blood drip all over. Omg horrible experience! BUT it's fine now! I'm on my way to recovery! I hope.. xD

These few days made me realize how much you can actually regret something you did, something so horrible that makes you unable to stop thinking how it had changed things. I'm not gonna let it happen again, ever ever. Cause it hurts.

I don't know why but not seeing you for a day or two makes me miss you so so much. I'm beginning to wonder how am I gonna survive the 8days Germany trip.. I hope you missed me too! =) HAHAHA! Enjoy our days tmr! =)

Through the trees
I wIll find you;
I wIll heal the ruins left inside you
cuz I'm stIll here breathing now...

Monday, November 09, 2009

PW is finally over!! =D
What a relieve, finally it is over. All the ups and downs and fights in the group lolol. Anyway I'm sure everyone is very glad to be able to get rid of the pw hectic life and can finally really have a life! I just hope everyone did well and are on their way on getting an A! =D GOOD LUCK PEOPLE!

I really think I need to be in control of my thoughts as well as feelings such that I do not let them sink too much and cause alot of trouble. I should not let them run wild anyway, I feel that I'm going insane everytime they go wild and that kinda feeling really sucks to the max. I keep thinking of things are not even existence and it made her really sad, I feel like shit when that happens...

However! =D I thought about what she had said and remembered something I heard of too. "Love is not possessive" This made me realise that I really have to give her the freedom she deserves as she hangs out with her friends while I need to give my friends the attention they deserve and not neglect them! I shall try not to compare anymore and focus more on making the time we spend together more enjoyable rather than having those kinda talks and killing the mood as well as the day.

I just wanna tell you that I really love you a lot, perhaps so much that I don't know how to show it and end up showing it in a wrong way. Maybe thats why I'm always so uptight about doing something for you, and perhaps even to the point of being possessive. I'm so sorry, I will learn how to balance family, love and friendship and not wanting your full 100% attention k! I REALLY LOVE YOU LOTS! =)